From the festive mind of BILL ALIVE, author of the acclaimed steampunk comedy THE PUNCTUALITY MACHINE, comes a short, hilarious fantasy story, told as you’ve never heard a story told before! …unless you’ve done a critique group. So, some writers do this thing called a “critique group”. One writer submits their story, the other writers read it, and then everyone sits in a circle. Each writer gets, say, two minutes to give their critique of the story. Intimidating? Yes. Even worse than you think. But what if you only overheard all these critiques, without ever having read the actual story? All you’d get would be insane story fragments getting slopped around, like discarded bits during an open-heart surgery. I doubt even Shakespeare or Hemingway could survive that, much less this humble tale of a questing knight with amnesia and his faithful robot kitten. Except… what if the original story was so bizarre, so long and convoluted and just plain bonkers, that this way sounded BETTER? If you love funny, quirky, experimental short stories, this is one tale of lost love (and lost plots) that you won’t want to miss.

"What if you could feel people's secret emotions? And you went and tried to use it to catch murderers. (Lately, the kind of murderers who hire a hitman...) Mark Falcon has a secret. As an empath, he can "vibe" other people’s emotions. They’re usually super painful... And it's about to get worse. Because a brand new clinic's opened in our small Virginia town, and it's handing out meds for pain. Is the handsome, flashy new pain doctor addicting his patients to opiates? Or am I just biased because he's hitting on my best friend Ceci? And she might be liking it... (I'm Pete, by the way. Mark's trusty sidekick, late-paying housemate, and biggest fan.) Why is the clinic attracting mysterious protesters who like to dress up in animal suits? Why are former patients overdosing on heroin? And why does Mark smell murder? Can Mark and I catch the killer before anyone else dies? Including us? Whew. That's a lot of questions. You'll love reading the answers in this third installment in the Empath Detective mystery series, because everyone loves buddy amateur detectives in a zany small town, with a crazy twist ending you'll never suspect. Get it now." What if you could feel people's secret emotions? And you went and tried to use it to catch murderers. (Lately, the kind of murderers who hire a hitman...) Mark Falcon has a secret. As an empath, he can "vibe" other people’s emotions. They’re usually super painful... And it's about to get worse. Because a brand new clinic's opened in our small Virginia town, and it's handing out meds for pain. Is the handsome, flashy new pain doctor addicting his patients to opiates? Or am I just biased because he's hitting on my best friend Ceci? And she might be liking it... (I'm Pete, by the way. Mark's trusty sidekick, late-paying housemate, and biggest fan.) Why is the clinic attracting mysterious protesters who like to dress up in animal suits? Why are former patients overdosing on heroin? And why does Mark smell murder? Can Mark and I catch the killer before anyone else dies? Including us? Whew. That's a lot of questions. You'll love reading the answers in this third installment in the Empath Detective mystery series, because everyone loves buddy amateur detectives in a zany small town, with a crazy twist ending you'll never suspect. Get it now.

He can feel people's emotions. And murderers feel awful. Mark Falcon can "vibe" other people’s emotions … and they’re usually super painful. So he hides out in rural Virginia, making websites for clients he never has to meet. It’s a not-terrible life, sort of … until he vibes the final panic of a woman’s murder. The last thing hermit Mark wants to do is go out and investigate, vibing which suspect is seething with secret hate. Even with me along, his trusty new sidekick/housemate. (I'm so cheerful that I double as an emotional air freshener.) But Mark has no choice. He has to act, because our local cop detective is convinced that there's no killer and the woman killed herself. Unfortunately, our cop's also got the overall presence of a Viking goddess, and the last thing she wants is some delusional “psychic” website guy playing amateur sleuth. (Not to mention hitting on her.) With the cops threatening jail, small-town secrets threatening Mark’s sanity, and a crazy-gorgeous doctor suspect threatening my heart, time’s running out for Mark and I to catch the killer… Before the killer catches us. Murder Feels Awful is the very first Empath Detective novel, a new cozy mystery series that totally really happened, but is officially fiction. If you like Janet Evanovich, M. C. Beaton, Deb Baker, and long lists of famous author names, you'll love this new series that has it all — amateur detectives you'll love, zany small-town characters, sparkling wit, and a cold-blooded killer you'll never even suspect. Buy this hilarious cozy mystery today! Right now, even! Plus, there's a whole extra mystery book waiting for you inside ... for free...

"He can feel people's emotions. And murderers feel super bad. Mark Falcon, an aspiring detective and (for now) reluctant web developer, has a secret. He can "vibe" other people’s emotions. And when a wedding gets crashed by a seeming suicide, Mark vibes that there’s one aloof groomsman who wasn’t surprised at the death. Problem is, this guy's also the only current lead for Mark’s website business. And both Mark and I (his trusty sidekick/housemate) are dead broke. Then, we get our first-ever real detective client ... and she’s afraid the wedding killer wants to kill her next. Exciting, right? Except her reason sounds … delusional. But Mark does vibe that she’s in real danger. Also, she’s super hot. And possibly into me… Meanwhile, the cops tell us to back off the whole thing, or else. Even when more people in our small Virginia town start dying. With the cops threatening jail (again), quirky locals turning lethal, and a spiritual crisis on my part which has really bad timing, Mark and I are racing to catch a killer who seems ready to murder anyone… Including us. Murder Feels Bad is the second novel in the Empath Detective mystery series, a new cozy mystery series that totally really happened, but is officially fiction. If you like Janet Evanovich, M. C. Beaton, Deb Baker, and long lists of famous author names, you'll love this new series that has it all — amateur detectives you'll love, zany small-town characters, sparkling wit, and a cold-blooded killer you'll never even suspect. Buy this hilarious cozy mystery today! Right now, even! You're not seriously going to miss out on our latest adventure? Plus, there's a whole extra mystery novella waiting for you inside ... totally free..." A murder at a wedding? Come on. And the cops are calling it suicide! But Mark felt murder. Mark's an empath… he feels secrets. The secret emotions that suspects try to hide. Is this an awkward way to catch murderers? Yes. But it's great when it works. Then a mysterious woman begs Mark for help. She claims to know the killer… and that she's the next target. The problem? Her accusation sounds… delusional. Until more people in their cozy Virginia mountain town start dying. With Sergeant Gwen threatening jail, quirky locals turning lethal, and his goofy sidekick Pete more clueless than ever, Mark races to catch a killer who seems ready to murder anyone… Including him. You'll love this twisty mystery, because it's a fast-paced funny cozy with people you'll love and a fantastic surprise ending. Get it now.